Ok fam, this blog lately has been EXTRA preachy. Today we are doing dumb stuff. Your job today is not to learn. It’s to laugh. I’m going to tell you the story of how I found out I was pregnant with my first kid. Now normally I don’t really talk much about my mom life because I think that label can kind of become your whole life, but this story is extra funny.
Ok so I remember it was a Sunday and I just feel extra bleghhhhh. We go to a Sunday night bible study and there is homemade chicken soup for everyone. Now, chicken soup is legit my favorite food. I have eaten it for breakfast (when I was healthy!) But that day I was just blegh on the whole thing.
Now heres an annoying thing that happens. When you get married and you have no kids yet, you can say "ugh my back hurts" and everyone FREAKS THE FREAK OUT and screams "ARE YOU PREGNANT??!!"
But my friend was going through a fertility struggle. Anyone who has either gone through or been close to this kind of struggle knows...these women have memorized the symptoms of pregnancy. They can recite it better than the book.
So she asks me "well, have you been feeling like this? What about that? Have you had that?" And so I answer her questions and she says, real chill, "girl, you pregnant."
"Well I dunno about that but I guess we will see."
"Go take a test." She says.
I wake up the next day, continuing to feel like crap. I go to work. I remember this exact day because this was the literally day Prince George was born.
There were more appropriate gifs of Prince George, but this was the BEST one.
"So how are you, Alicia?" My boss asks.
"Well, I don’t really feel good." I describe my general crap-feelings.
"ARE YOU PREGNANT?"
"I don’t know....my friends think I am."
"Well what are you doing tonight after work?"
"I'm getting some new tires at Discount Tire and then I'm going home, and my husband is going to the Young Adults ministry."
"Ok, this is what you do" she suggested. "You go to Walgreens on your way to Discount Tire and you get a test. And you take the test in the bathroom while you're waiting for them to finish putting on your tires."
"No way!" I exclaimed, "if I really am pregnant for the first time, I am not about to find out in the bathroom of a Discount Tire!"
"Ok whatever, then just take the test after you get home. Then text me!"
So I buy the test. I actually had never bought a pregnancy test before so I was actually nervous if I got the right thing.
I get new tires and I arrive home. My husband had gone straight from work to our church's young adults service, so he would be gone until 9 or 10pm.
I get the test out of the box and read it -- twice. Cuz I only bought a 2-pack of these things and I really really want to make sure I don’t screw it up.
I take the test. It shoots to positive. There wasn’t even a question. I was, like, extra pregnant.
Cool, ok, um, I think, I wonder if this is real.
Next, I do what any normal human adult would do. I Google the exact phrase "what causes a false positive pregnancy test?" Because you know, like, there has to be some kind of margin of error on this thing.
According to Google, nothing but uterine cancer causes a false positive. So, I think, I'm probably better off with the pregnancy diagnosis.
Yay! I’m pregnant!
Right when I am googling, my boss texts me. "So?? Are you pregnant??"
But I can’t text her back, because, here's the thing: I can't tell my boss before my husband. As the father of my child, he has the right to know first. And this isn't just some news you text your husband. No. This is major. It must be done in person. Also, selfishly, I wanna see the look on this guy's face when he finds out. And he won't be home for several more hours.
So I'm just waiting around trying to occupy my mind. Watching reruns of The Office. And googling. There was a lot of Google. I had no idea what I was in for, so I absorbed every little bit of info.
If you've never been pregnant, lemme tell you, you will Google things....you never thought you'd Google.
So finally the husband comes home and I am just like, "babe, you know how terrible I've been feeling, so I took a pregnancy test today and...it was positive!"
He was the most chill person of all time. He didn't do anything I would have done. He just kinda stood there and was like "ok."
"What do we do now?" He says.
"I think I go to the doctor to confirm. OH AND YOU WANNA HEAR THE SECOND BEST NEWS TODAY? THE ROYAL BABY WAS BORN OMG!" Typical Anglophile me.
And that's how I found out I was pregnant! Hope you laughed!