Truly Horrific Moments

Today there’s not one long story about me embarrassing myself. Because frankly, mostly, it doesn’t take that much to embarrass me. So, we’re going to just capture a few of the quick times I’ve embarrassed myself.

In my teens and early adulthood, I was what the adults called “boy crazy.”

One time, I was checking out the cute boy in the car next to me at the stop light, and he was looking at me, and the light turned green and I went, because I thought, “how cool would it be if I just drove forward, still looking at him? I would be so cool.”

I rear-ended the car in front of me. (Both cars were fine.)

One time I was checking out a guy in a parking lot and I tripped over one of those concrete parking stops. Tripped isn’t the right word, I guess. Fell straight on the dang ground.

One time I was checking out a guy in a mall & ran into one of those kiosks in the middle of the mall.

Let’s talk high school:

One time I was making out with my boyfriend in a car in the park after dark & a cop knocked on the window and told us to go home.

One time in our high school lunchroom I was wearing a skirt and these really slippery heels (did not know about scuffing them for more grip) and I slipped right next to the trash can. Wearing a skirt.

One time -- in the middle of the year -- I had to go get the lock on my locker opened for me because I forgot the combination. IT WAS A TUESDAY.

Oh, speaking of lockers, one time my friend put me in a locker (I was pretty small, so we thought it would be funny to see if I fit.) Then, she couldn’t get the combination to work. Then, the Vice Principal walked by so she had to stand out there and pretend that was her locker and she was just causally getting something out of it. Then she fiddled with the lock for like 5 minutes, and it opened.

I’ve rolled my ankle in gym class at least once a year in high school. So much of gym class was just me injuring myself I’m pretty sure I took up a significant amount of class time just being picked up off the floor.

Let’s talk about before that:

One time in 5th grade, I wrote my crush’s name on a piece of paper then told my deskmate I had written my crush’s name on this piece of paper, then, went to the bathroom.  Guess who knew this secret information by the time I got back from the bathroom? (If your answer was the whole class including my crush YOU ARE CORRECT.)

Let’s talk parenting.

Being a mom and all that comes with it is totally embarrassing. But the story that takes the cake is when I took both my kids (4 and 2) to the bathroom & tried to get us all in the handicapped stall in an attempt to wrangle them. Well, the 2 year old crawled under the door easily, and right as I was mid-pee, the 4 year old swung the door out -- not in -- and held the door open so everyone at the sinks, including a Good Friend of mine, could see me on the potty. Coaxing did nothing, so Good Friend was a good friend and ran over there, yanked him away, and held the door closed til I was done.

So many nursing-pad-falling-out-of-shirt stories I can’t count.

So many hungry infant pulling on shirt stories I can’t count.

My youngest one was learning to say “dumptruck” but it...sounded like… “dum” and a cuss can guess which one….He would say this at church so I followed him around for about 3 months saying “He’s saying dumptruck I swear!!!”

And so many that, ya’ll, I can’t even tell the internet. So. Many.

Let me know a funny you-embarrassing-yourself story in the comments!