How Do I Pick a Spouse? (Ft. Actually Helpful Advice)

I do a lot of one-on-one mentoring with women in the 18-25 age range. People ask me what that's like sometimes. I tell them, "It's a lot of deleting guys' numbers. In fact, the only things I know how to do on an iPhone is delete someone's number and block them." 

It's also a lot of relationship advice, so I thought today, I'd share some of that advice. If you like this and want more, like, I guess, sure, we can make this a series or whatever. 

Single people….listen up:


Hopefully, at 25 or even 30, you're not going to be in the same circumstances you are for the rest of your life. You're going to accumulate wealth, move to different jobs, even different locations, move into different roles in your life. Your life may look nothing like what you imagine ten years from now. You may go through crazy stuff. Ya'll may win the lottery or be unemployed for a long period of time. You could be in a mansion or homeless. The only thing that will remain the same is who your spouse is...are they someone you want to tether yourself to if, God forbid, every external attractive thing about them disappears?

Marry for who they ARE, not who YOU WANT them to be

Let's not even talk about how much Harry Potter fanfiction 2004 me read. It's...embarrassing. But the only thing even more embarrassing is how much of Harry Potter fanfiction was about turning the bad guy good with just the power of your love.




You can't love a future version of your spouse. Sure, we are all people who are still learning and growing, but like I said in my first point, literally anything can happen, and life doesn't happen according to your plan. Your plan for your spouse to grow into a person of infinite responsibilities may or may not happen. Don’t try to make them into someone they’re not, or mold them into someone they haven’t decided themselves to be. The only thing your spouse may grow in is ways to annoy you, so, like, be prepared.

Listen to the people around you

If it walks like This Is A Bad Idea, and quacks like This Is A Bad Idea….probably means This A Bad Idea. Ask friends you trust for their honest opinions. If you don't trust them or their opinion...why are you friends? Marriage isn't going to automatically bring out the best in you and your spouse. It's automatically going to bring out the worst in you and your spouse. We're humans and we default to sin. If you go into a relationship and feel like you need to explain it to your friends, or hide it from your friends, it's not a good relationship and you need to ask yourself why, when you already know this relationship is toxic, you're still around this person. "They just don't get it" -- hon, if everybody doesn't get it, perhaps you're the one who really doesn't get it.

*gets off my soapbox*

Next week, the 3 things you need to make sure your potential spouse has. If they don't have all 3, don't marry them. Plain and simple.